Autumn is in the Air.

Hello my friends!! I’ve been feeling really homesick lately. Zack and I are coming home to Utah for a couple of days around Thanksgiving and I am already counting down the days! I’ve enjoyed Hawaii a lot more this year than I did last year. I can appreciate the laid back style a lot more and I am starting to think maybe there are things that I will miss when we leave.

Zack graduates in SIX months! (OMG can that be right??) That means I only have 4 more months until baby is due!! What the??? Then we’re off to grad school somewhere else! I wish I could say grad school was going to bring us to Utah but right now it seems it’ll be a long time before live close to home. The scariest part is adjusting to a new place, far from family, while still learning how to be a Mom. I know we have big adventures ahead though! I’m sure I’m going to love wherever we end up for grad school. It’s only temporary right?

Plus, Zack finally admitted that he might possibly, MAYBE, see us POTENTIALLY living in Cedar City near my family! I literally almost cried when he said it. We probably won’t even be thinking about settling for another 5-7 years though. So, I’m going to just keep talking about all the benefits and hope when the time comes he’ll be on board. I think we’ll definitely end up in Utah or nearby, but it’d be a dream to be so close to my parents and siblings!!

So pregnancy perils have been minimal these last couple weeks. I’ve had a lot more energy and I haven’t passed out in a while! Woo! I have had some pretty bizarre and extreme dreams lately though. Every night random things from throughout my day appear in my dream. One night I dreamt about Joe Biden hand feeding me chicken nuggets. I wake up almost every morning and can’t believe the things in my dreams.

A few months ago I bought a bunch of fabric to make baby blankets and I FINALLY finished the first! They are so so so simple. Its basically like muslin fabric with a hem. Haha. But, I’m really excited about them and you can order the fabric millions of colors. I just need to put more time into it and I’ll get them busted out in no time!

It’s finally starting to feel like “autumn”. The winds are picking up, so the air is cooler. It’s been rainy and gloomy. That’s the closest I’m going to get to real autumn. But, I have a new goal to make Zack understand the world’s obsession with pumpkin. His dad is extremely allergic to pumpkin, squash, yams, and zucchini, all of those things. So growing up, he never carved pumpkins or had pumpkin cookies or bars or milkshakes. The fall I’m going to make everything pumpkin that I can. The only thing is, he doesn’t like cream cheese frosting… which is half of what makes pumpkin things so yummy. But, I’m going to make him see the light. If any of you have amazing pumpkin recipes please, please, please send them to me! I feel like I’ve got to do something to get in the holiday spirit! Why not bake yummy treats?

Well my friends! Life is so good and we are so blessed! I hope that each of you is feeling the joy and excitement of this time of year! I ache for the day when Zack and I can be surrounded by ALL those we love, friends and family. You guys are in my thoughts and heart daily!

Mahalo and Aloha!

SD

I'm Back!

I've been off the blog for the last 6 months or so! Real life got so busy and exciting I didn't have much time to update! But I'm back in Hawaii and Zack is very busy... so i have a LOT of extra time on my hands! I'm hoping to fill my time with sewing projects, cleaning, and a lot of reading. Since I'm pregnant again I have five or six books about pregnancy and delivery that I really want to read, but I haven't made them a priority yet. I am thinking I'll just take my book and chair into the back yard, put my feet in the water, relax, and try to stay cool!

I'm so excited to be pregnant again! It happened crazy fast but was definitely a welcomed surprise! The last time I posted I was healing from a miscarriage. I had my D&C in March and got pregnant in May! The ironic thing is one night Zack suggested we take a break from trying; that we just take a few months to heal and get ready to try again. I agreed; I thought we could both benefit from a few months to focus on other things. Two weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test. Once again, the Lord's time table was totally different from ours. I have to admit, this may be my favorite example of when the Lord knew better.

This pregnancy has been such a blast! It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park... but luckily I know how to laugh at myself. I hope my description of the perils of my pregnancy don't come off as complaints. I really only share them because A)I think I'm funny and B)I'm sure many of my friends who have been pregnant can relate! My due date is February 18! I thought "Oh! This will be great, I'll be pregnant through the winter, I won't have to deal with the summer heat!" Then I remembered that I live in Hawaii, land of the eternal summer. This is such a positive to so many people, but not this pregnant person. At 21 weeks, I can barely wear clothes. I'm dying. Today I made myself a lunch and sat, soaking my feet in an ice bath. My favorite thing is to just sit (as still as possible) with my two big fans pointing at me. I think these are just the dog days of Hawaii though. There is no wind these days. The hot, humid air just sits. Hopefully with the change of seasons we'll get more of a breeze coming through. I don't remember feeling this hot last year, so hopefully it won't last!

My first trimester consisted of a whole lot of puking. So far, the only change in my second trimester is I get really dizzy... and faint occasionally. Hahah. So embarrassing. But my appetite is back at about half force. I do get hungry, but a lot of times nothing sounds good. I eat a lot of granola bars, celery, bagels. I'm sorry to report have yet to have any crazy or creepy cravings. But, I'm excited that pregnancy has curbed my appetite for really unhealthy food. I'm trying really hard to focus on being as healthy as I can for this baby! I keep thinking that once this pregnancy is over I'm going to have like an actually baby to take care of. I'm going to need to be healthy and in shape!! It is amazing how much that motivates me!

During the first part of my pregnancy, I was in Cedar City with my family. Since my dad is an OB/GYN I was really lucky and was able to get ultrasounds at least once a week. It was so fun and really helped me to relax and know that everything was going alright! I left there when I was 13 weeks and Zack had already come back to Hawaii, but we really wanted to see if we could find out if it was a boy of girl. I wanted to share that with my family! So, we got Zack on Facetime and filled the ultrasound room with as much family as we could and, lets just say, our little guy... is NOT shy. He was happy to show us what he had to offer. Hahah  Zack and I are both really excited to be having a boy! We would have been thrilled either way, but its fun to think that we'll have a big brother for the rest that follow!

Since I've been back I've really missed the easy access I had to ultra sounds. If it was up to me I'd have one everyday just to see how he's growing and watch what he's doing in there. The last few weeks have been really fun though because I started to feel flutters. I think I felt the first flutters around 18 weeks; now I'm feeling straight up kicks and nasty bows. I seriously wonder what he's doing in there sometimes. Especially at night, when Zack and I are laying in bed talking about our day, he really seems to get wild. I'm thinking we better start trying to change his sleep schedule though. I can sleep through the kicks now, but once he's born I'd really like for him to sleep when I want to sleep. Hahaha. Do I sound really naive and overly optimistic? I know.

Anyways, the last few months have really been full of so many new, fun experiences. The Lord really poured out so many blessings upon us. I feel blessed to be back here in Hawaii with my best friend and the love of my life! I'm really excited/terrified to become a mother! All of my wise friends, I'd love any advice or fun experiences you have to share!

Love to all of you!!
Sal

A Personal Post

As a lot of you know, Zack and I have decided to spend the summer with our families in Utah. It’s been a tough couple of weeks and we feel like we need to go home and spend some time with loved ones. Two weeks ago, Zack and I went for our first prenatal appointment, only to find out that our little fetus had no heartbeat.

This is a really tough post for me to write, but I feel like I need to write it. This is obviously a very tender subject and something that I haven’t shared with many people. However, I think that writing can be therapeutic and I would hope that if anyone who reads this is going through or has gone through something similar they will find comfort or strength in my story.

About half way through January I was sitting in church with Zack and I had this really strong impression that I was pregnant. I told Zack and he was just sort of like yeah right. He didn’t think much of it. Over the next two weeks it was on my mind constantly. Sure enough, I woke up one morning and my period was late. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We were ecstatic. We were so excited. Thinking about the fact that we were creating life was overwhelming. I felt so lucky, so blessed to be carrying a child. We didn’t share it with many people because we wanted to wait until I was in my second trimester.

Having an older sister and mom who had each gone through miscarriages, and growing up with an OB/GYN for a father, the fear of losing my baby was very real. The day after we found out I was pregnant, I was lying in bed and I was just incredibly anxious. I finally fell asleep, only to wake up with a start a few hours later. As I lay in bed I felt very strongly that this child would be a healthy and strong baby. I just felt like it was a very special spirit. This brought me a lot of comfort over the next couple of weeks.

We started looking into doctors, but we were having a lot of trouble deciding on one. Plus, we had a lot of complications with our insurances. One night, I was about nine weeks along, I was walking in to go to bed and I had a very distinct feel that I had lost the baby. I told Zack and he told me not to worry, that it was normal for me to be afraid or anxious about that kind of thing. I felt a little better, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.

Obviously, after that I felt like we needed to see a doctor ASAP. I wanted to put my fears to rest and just see our sweet baby growing. Finally we picked a doctor, and scheduled an appointment. I was almost 11 weeks along when we went in. I remember sitting in the parking lot feeling completely overwhelmed. I was scared, stressed, and anxious, but excited. I was excited that we could possibly go in there and see a perfectly healthy baby, beating heart and all.  We decided to say a prayer before we went in and I remember asking the Lord that we would understand His will for us, and for this child.

We met with the doctor first and I felt so sure that we had picked the right doctor. I was grateful that we hadn’t chosen a doctor until we found her. She started to do my ultrasound and both Zack and I were brought to tears as we saw this beautiful little child. We saw its tiny nose, its legs, and arms. I was speechless. I could not believe that Zack and I had a part in creating this beautiful little being. I was mesmerized trying to memorize every detail of our baby. Then I realized our doctor had been quiet for too long, something was obviously wrong. Finally, I asked if something was wrong. She showed us where the heart was and explained that we should be seeing and hearing it beat. The silence was suddenly so deafening. I was staring at that baby willing its heart to start beating. It didn’t happen. I looked over at my sweet husband and we both just wept.

As I sat in this chair with my legs in stir-ups I felt so much sadness, so much sorrow. I didn’t want to believe that this baby, who had consumed my thoughts all day every day, was no longer growing. She told us that the baby measured at nine weeks. The miscarriage must have happened when the fetus was nine weeks, precisely when I had felt the loss. The doctor talked us through our options and we made a plan to have a D&C and she left us to have some time alone.

We didn’t say much. We both just sat in silence trying to absorb the news. Even though I had a hint that it was coming, it didn’t numb the pain. Once I allowed myself to relax and think straight, I remembered the spiritual confirmations I had over the last few months. Suddenly it became completely clear to me that I had not lost that child. While the physical body of that fetus was no longer living and growing, the spirit that belongs to it is not lost. I felt completely positive that I would get to have that child. The thought that came to me was this baby was not lost, but simply postponed. Those tender mercies I had throughout my pregnancy, I thought they were to reassure me and quiet my fears, but I believe they were given so that in this moment, as I realized this pregnancy was over I could draw strength in knowing the Lord had a plan for this child.

While the sadness was heavy, I felt great relief in knowing that there would come a day when I can hug and kiss that sweet baby. I don’t know if I’ll get it in this life, or if it will be waiting for me on the other side, but I felt its spirit and I knew that it was both a child of ours and a child of God.

Zack and I have talked about trying again, and we aren’t discouraged by this. We received a lot of comfort in talking with those who had been down this road, most of which have had beautiful children since. We know that we will have a big wonderful family and we cannot wait for that day. But, in the mean time we feel like it is important for us to go home to Utah and allow ourselves some time to heal.

We obviously had to share the bad news with those who knew I was pregnant. This may have been the hardest part. However, there are no words to describe the outpouring of love we felt. We were truly lifted and edified by the prayers that were offered in our behalf. I have never felt so certain that I was being blessed because of the love others had for us. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends who brought us meals and came just to visit. Seriously, nothing can heal a broken heart the way laughter does.

Now that it’s been a couple weeks and I can talk about it without erupting into hysteria, I contemplate what gave me the strength to get out of bed in the mornings and continue on. It would have been understandable for me to feel hopeless, downcast, and miserable, but something kept me going. I believe that other than the prayers of our family and friends, there were two things that got me through.

The first is God’s beautiful Plan of Happiness. My testimony of eternal families made this traumatic experience into something I can grow from. The fact that I knew where this sweet spirit came from and that I would see it again brought me great comfort. This fundamental part of our church is one that I’ve never been more grateful for. If you’re reading this and wondering what I’m talking about please go to http://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/ . A testimony of this plan has brought joy into my heart during one of the hardest trials I’ve experienced.

The second is the greatest gift we have each been given. I know that it was through my Savior’s atonement that I was able to overcome this sorrow. Not only did he suffer for our sins, but he felt our joys and our sorrows, our successes and our failures, our pains and our afflictions. It was through his grace that I was given strength beyond anything I have ever felt. I endured something that I believed would be unbearable.

I cannot say enough about how grateful I am to have a testimony of a loving Father in heaven that has a plan for me and my family. I am grateful to have the love and support of so many friends and family members. You have all been an incredible blessing to us over the last few weeks.

We look forward to being with our families and catching up with old friends this summer. There are so many wonderful things happening in our families that this summer is bound to be full of joy. Thank you for reading and I hope that something I said can touch each of you. We love you all so much!

Mahalo!

Sally

ONE YEAR.

One year. Three hundred fifty-seven days. Twelve Months. Fifty-two weeks. Almost thirteen moon cycles. 

since I married my best friend! Everybody always told us that the first year is the hardest. This amazes me because I can’t imagine life getting any better. I like to think that our blissful year would be attributed to our excellent communication skills and selflessness. However, I think the fact that Zack and I live a very simple and slow-paced life on a tropical island has more to do with it. Even though Zack has to go to school and soccer and I work a few hours a week, it’s easy to feel like we’re on vacation every day.

    If you’ve been reading my blog since I moved here you’re probably shaking your head muttering that I’m full of it. But, even though there were a few rough months when we first moved here, our relationship has always been a comfort and strength to me when life around us was crazy. I’m grateful for Zack’s commitment to me and his patience. Based on my previous posts you can imagine I wasn’t the happiest or easiest person to be around. But, over the last few months I have really learned to love Hawaii.

     

    The constant sunshine is so good for my soul. I was really sad to be missing winter in Utah... until we had about two weeks of relentless rain. BYU-H campus flooded, streets were closed, and ocean water was murky and brown. After a few days of that I was ready for our constant summer to return. And return it has. Here's a picture of my view as I type.

     Some mornings I wake up to hear waves crashing outside my window and look at my wonderful husband and I can’t believe how blessed I truly am. This year has been full of so much change and with that change growth! I can honestly say I’ve never been happier in my life. The friends we have made here have become a huge blessing to us. Sometimes good friends and laughter can fix anything.  I’m grateful for the love and support of our families and friends back home! Your prayers and thoughts have lifted us so much. I’m grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and that through his Atonement I could be sealed to my best friend for time and all eternity. Even beyond death, Zack and I will be together trying to make everyday feel like a vacation.

You all are in my heart and prayers daily. Mahalo and Aloha.

Sally

Things are looking up!

Well the last few months have been amazing! Not only did we visit our families in Utah, but we've also made a commitment to spend more time at the beach. And let's just say we have lived up to that commitment.

While home for the holidays I didn't take as many pictures as I wish I would've. My nieces and nephews are so freaking cute. I wish I had a million pictures of each of them! Speaking of nieces and nephews, I have a new one on the way. I can't even express how excited I was when Bethany told me she's having another baby! She's such an amazing mother and example to me. Her dedication to her family is so inspiring. Between her and my own mother, I have two amazing women to look up to as I start to think about starting a family.

Being home for Christmas was probably one of the greatest blessings we could have asked for. We are so lucky to have parents that love us and are so generous with us. I was in a bit of a funk after the first few months of living in Hawaii, but the simple joy of being surrounded by so many people that I love really lifted me from that funk and brought so much hope back into my life. I haven't laughed or cried (at least tears of joy) that much in a very long time. I think that this Christmas I truly felt the spirit of Christ in our lives.

Needless to say, upon my arrival back in Hawaii I was feeling refreshed! It was hard to say goodbye, but I was full of hope that I could conquer my misery. Zack and I both decided that we need to start enjoying this amazing place that we live, otherwise whats the point. We decided we needed to make some more friends and get our butts to the beach. So we got some snorkel gear and starting to get to know some people. It has been so fun to have people to go to the beach with and do things with. It is surprising how much of a difference it makes when you have friends to hang out with!

Now, I do have to say that I'm becoming less brave with age. I snorkeled and scuba dived all the time as a kid/pre-teen and never had any sort of fear. However, now that I'm the ripe old age of 21, the first time I put my face in the water I literally had an anxiety attack. For those of you who haven't snorkeled before, it is eerily quiet under water. The only thing you can hear is your own breathing. So, when you get in the water and you're a little cold and a lot scared, the sound of your own shallow breathing only adds to the anxiety. I'm floating there with my face in the water and I swear to you I feel like I'm actually in one of those reenactments on the discovery channel, the ones where the person doesn't survive so they have an actor play their role. I'm like so freaked out every thing I see looks like the creepy shadow of a shark in the distance. Luckily I didn't see a shark. I have just eased myself back into feeling comfortable and if I'm in the right kind of place, I actually really enjoy it. They key for me is to go to bays or protected beaches that are blocked off by reefs so the sharks can't get in. At least I don't think they can, and if anyone knows different... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

Our most recent snorkel trip was to Hanauma bay which is supposedly the best on the island. It was one of the coolest places I've ever snorkeled. We swam along side a sea turtle and saw an abundance of fish. We even saw whales passing outside of the bay. Whales! These are my new favorite things. I don't know what it is, but I can't get enough of them. Apparently several species of whales spend the winters in Hawaii. There are several places on the island that you can sit on the beach and see them surface and blow out their blow-hole, smack their tails against the water, and even jump out completely. It is one of the most majestic things you'll ever see. They are insanely huge, but so graceful and almost playful. Unlike sharks, I would love to swim with the whales.

Yesterday we hiked Diamond Head Crater. It was an awesome hike. If you ever come to Hawaii I HIGHLY recommend. It is 1.6 miles round trip and you hike to the peak and look out across the island. You get an amazing view of Waikiki and Honolulu as well the windward side of the island. The intensity of the blue water is unreal. It really took my breath away and made me realize how lucky I truly am to be living in this beautiful place.
I'm learning to accept that even though the culture here is different, that doesn't mean its wrong. We've definitely been met with some obstacles since being here, but as I take a second to look around I realize that I truly am so blessed. Things don't always have to go my way, and lets be honest most times they won't. But I can't forget that just because it isn't my way doesn't mean it's the wrong way.

I'm thankful for my husband who has been so patient with me the last few months. I know I haven't been pleasant, but he has just allowed me the time and space to work things out on my own and learn the lessons the Lord has asked me to learn. I'm grateful to have a knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and a family that loves me. Between the two, I know that I can conquer anything.  I know that Christ is my Savior and that He suffered and died for me. Because He loves me. He knows me. He experienced my pain, my sorrow, my joy, and my love. Through Him, I can overcome all; my weaknesses, my trials, even death. I'm grateful to know that through His plan, I can be with my family in the eternities.

Like I said, these last two months have been amazing. Please enjoy the pictures!
Peace and Love my Friends!
Sally

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